As I drove home alone, a rare and precious moment of solitude, I had an epiphany. As a recovering people-pleaser, I’ve spent years trying to be the healer, the solution-maker, the one who fixes everything. Especially in situations involving gaslighting, addiction, and narcissism, I felt an overwhelming need to be the one who saves the day.
But why? Where did this burden come from? As I reflected on my childhood, I realized that I’d been given a role, a responsibility to be the caretaker, the problem-solver. And I’d carried that weight with me into adulthood.
The truth is, trying to be the healer has left me feeling weighted down, uncertain, and lacking confidence. Some situations are impossible to solve, and no matter how hard I try, I’ll always fail. Narcissists, in particular, often create solution-less problems on purpose, leaving me feeling defeated and helpless.
But today, as I meditated on a worship song, something shifted. I realized that I am not the healer. There is only one Healer, and it’s not me. It’s not my responsibility to heal people, no matter how desperately I want to. I can only point them to the Healer.
I can offer prayer, support, and a big, bright neon sign saying, “This way!” pointing to the Lord. But the burden of healing or problem-solving isn’t mine to carry. It’s not what God wants me to do.
My role is to share my testimony, to tell the story of how God has transformed my life, and to point others to Him. I am not the miracle worker; God is. And He is capable of doing the impossible, of reaching depths that I could never touch.
If you’re a fellow people-pleaser, struggling to save everyone from hurt, I encourage you to take a moment to realize that it’s not our job to save. Our job is to point others to the One who saves.
May this bring peace to those who, like me, have struggled with the weight of trying to be the healer. May we learn to let go, to trust in God’s power, and to simply point the way.
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